


Juno Steel and The Shoulda, Woulda, Couldas

by InterstellarVagabond



Category: The Penumbra Podcast
Genre: M/M, TPP, The Penumbra Podcast - Freeform, jupeter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-24
Updated: 2018-02-24
Packaged: 2019-03-23 06:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13782165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/InterstellarVagabond/pseuds/InterstellarVagabond
Summary: Following a rather nasty knock on the head, Juno finds himself facing the worst villain of all... his own subconscious.The ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future take the forms of Sasha Wire, Cecil and Cassandra Kanagawa, and Mick Mercury in this tale about lost love and how one might get it back. Juno puts up with all of them deciding for themselves while Juno left Peter in that bed months ago, and if he'll ever be brave enough to go after him again.





	Juno Steel and The Shoulda, Woulda, Couldas

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to this website for the alien font: https://lingojam.com/AlienLanguage, and to Fan-Art-Ic on tumblr for the headcanon that Juno used to be a boxer.

Juno Steel had taken quite a few punches in his day. Maybe more than a person should, but enough to learn that he preferred a good ol’ fashioned fire fight to trading blows primal style out behind the abandoned movie theatre. 

 

Sound specific? Well, that’s because that’s the place he was currently getting his ass handed to him by a hulking mass of muscle that loomed over Juno by at least a foot.

 

“Rita, could you hurry up? Tiny is not pulling punches!” Juno shouted as he just barely dodged a hit. This fight was reminding him uncomfortably of the years between leaving the force and discovering detective work where he boxed to make enough cash for his apartment and something that passed for food.

 

“It’s not my fault you don’t have the translator program in your comms, it’s standard issue in all the new models, Mistah Steel!” Rita’s voice came over the comms, irritated and spoken around a mouthful of chips. “You really should get a new piece, then I won’t have to download all this stuff for ya all the time.”

 

“⟟ ⍙⟟⌰⌰ ☌⍀⟟⋏⎅ ⊬⍜⎍⍀ ⏚⍜⋏⟒⌇, ⎅⟒⏁⟒☊⏁⟟⎐⟒!” Juno’s attacker said, reaching for a bit of pipe running up the side of the building and yanking it free. They slapped one side against their palm threateningly and then pointed the pipe at Juno.

 

“RITA!” Juno shouted, reaching for his empty holster on instinct. Unfortunately, they’d confiscated his gun as he’d entered the little gathering of criminals. At first Juno thought that was just standard procedure but now he was thinking they’d recognized him as a detective from the moment he walked in.

 

“Alright, alright, don’t have to get all cranky,” Rita huffed, fingers typing away at her keyboard. “Mistah Steel, what kinda place are you hanging out in? I can’t get a stable connection at all! You really should investigate areas with better reception.”

 

“Yeah, I’ll try that next time!” Juno growled, and as he directed his attention at Rita for that split second the hulking goon swung their pipe at his head. It connected with a sickening crack, and then everything went dark.

  
  


“Juno. Come on, Juno get up.”

 

Juno groaned, surprised he didn’t feel either blood or bump when he rubbed at his head and slowly sat up. The voice was familiar… not Rita though. Who was there…

 

“Another night of binge-drinking I assume?” Sasha Wire, looking stern and stunning in her Dark Matters uniform, was standing in front of Juno looking down her nose at him. 

 

“What? No, I got hit on the head!” Juno said. “Not everything’s my fault!”

 

“Funny, you always seem to be convincing me of the opposite,” Sasha said.

 

“Wait… you weren’t here a second ago,” Juno said, looking around to survey his surroundings. All he saw for miles was inky blackness, then there was himself and Sasha. “Where the hell are we? What’s going on?”

 

“Fine detective work, Juno,” Sasha replied. “You got hit on the head, now you’re dreaming.”

 

“Oh shit,” Juno groaned, resting his hands on the top of his head. “Why can’t I ever dream of someplace nice?”

 

“I don’t know, Juno, you tell me, it’s your brain.” 

 

Sasha walked over a few paces and with one finger flicked on a lightswitch Juno hadn’t known was there. The space was immediately illuminated, and Juno saw a familiar room before him. 

 

There were clothes strewn on the floor, his and… someone else’s. The room held a nightstand, a closet, and a bed that contained two sleeping bodies. His… and someone else’s.

 

“Hey, stay out of my thoughts, Sash,” Juno said, pointing a threatening finger at his childhood friend.

 

“I am your thoughts, Juno.” Sasha tilted her head ever so slightly. “Everything here is your thoughts. Don’t blame me.”

 

Juno groaned and stood, looking at the bed with obvious discomfort. He turned around and went to the wall length windows that looked down at Hyperion City in all it’s gray stained glory. His jaw was set, and his eyes were pointedly looking away from what was behind him.

 

“Why did you leave him?” 

 

“What?” Juno asked, turning back to Sasha.

 

“Peter. Why did you leave him?” she asked again.

 

“Don’t call him that!” Juno shouted. “You’re not supposed to know his name!”

 

“I know his name because you know his name, stop being childish.” Sasha rolled her eyes. “Are you just going to avoid the question or should I ask again?”

 

“I… that’s none of your… it’s none of  _ my _ business.” Juno said, switching his words about when he saw Sasha’s mouth opening to remind him once again, that she was just some part of his dreaming mind.

 

“Were you afraid of losing him?” Sasha asked. “Like Ben?”

 

“Don’t!” Juno growled, fists tightening hard enough to leave crescent shaped marks in his palms where his nails bit into his skin. 

 

The scene changed, shifted about before Juno’s eyes. Suddenly, he was standing on a rooftop next to none other than Peter Nureyev. It wasn’t a rooftop they’d ever been on before, and Peter looked different. His hair was longer, they’d been together awhile now then. Peter wasn’t the only thing that was different, when Juno looked up into the sky he saw more moons than Mars had. 

 

“I’m sorry, Juno,” Peter was saying, a sad smile creasing his face. Juno followed his line of sight and saw a veritable firing squad pointing guns at them. “I guess I got us into trouble again.”

 

“What?” Juno asked, but it was too late. The people before them were firing and Juno watched unable to move as the shots ripped into Peter sending a spray of red blood into the air. Juno grabbed for Peter, managing to catch him before he hit the ground. Peter lifted a delicate hand to Juno’s cheek, and Juno watched as the life left his eyes and his hand slipped back down. 

 

Juno was up lightning fast, pulling his gun and firing wildly with no sense to it. With one against five it was a clear disadvantage. 

 

But of course he lived.

 

Juno Steel always lived, even if the other person didn’t.

 

Juno didn’t bother holstering his gun, he just dropped it, letting it lay there like all of the dead bodies surrounding him now. He walked back over to Peter and knelt next to him, shaking hands reaching out for him.

 

“Is that it? You’re afraid of outliving him?”

 

Sasha was back again, and she was looking at him with sympathy or maybe pity, two things Juno really didn’t need right now.

 

“...shut up…” Juno hissed. 

 

“I’m just trying to figure out why you left him,” Sasha said. The wind picked up and Juno could see how it moved through Peter’s hair. He opened his mouth to say something, but another voice cut him off.

 

“Oh please, Junebug’s no stranger to violence! That’s not what he’s afraid of!”

 

The scene changed again, and now Juno was standing in front of a podium. A dozen spotlights shone down on him, and he squinted against them using a hand to shield his face as the thunderous applause of a studio audience rang in his ears.

 

“Ladies, Gentleman, friends and enemies! Welcome to another round of  _ The Lonely Detective _ !”

 

Cecil and Cassandra Kanagawa stepped out onto the stage in dazzling sequined suits. They played it up for the crowd for awhile, posing and blowing kisses while Juno groaned and rolled his eyes.

 

“Juno Steel, you have one rose left and three handsome men to consider!” Cecil cozied up to Juno at the podium, winking at him as he spoke into an old fashioned microphone. 

 

“Which hunk will be going home with our lonely dejected detective tonight, folks?” Cass asked, leaning in on Juno’s other side. “Let’s hear it for our contestants!”

 

Three spotlights lit up stage left, and sitting on a trio of stools were three different versions of the same man.

 

“Will it be Rex Glass, Dark Matters agent who just screams sex?” Cecil asked.

 

“No, no, it’s screams during sex, Cecil, darling.” Rex winked and the audience went wild. 

 

“Or maybe Duke Rose, the loving husband?” Cass asked, and Duke sat up straight and waved at Juno with enough love in his eyes to melt an icy heart.    
  


“You can make whatever choice you want, Dahlia darling, I support you!” 

 

“Finally, we have one Mr. Peter Nureyev!” Cecil and Cass said in unison, and this Peter looked at Juno with such concern and worry in his eyes. He had bloodstains on his shirtfront, his eyes looked red and puffy from crying.

 

“Juno… Juno you can stop now, your eye is bleeding… Juno stop! Wake up, Juno!” he cried, and Juno knew he was hearing something Peter must have said back in the Martian tomb. 

 

“Well, Junebug?” Cecil was back at Juno’s side again. “Before you pick, should we roll the footage of the real fear of one Mr. Juno Steel?”

“Hey, quick question,” Juno said, leaning in towards the microphone. “If I kill myself will this nightmare end?”

 

“Ahahahaha!” Cecil laughed. “No!”

 

Then he and his twin gestured to a big screen descending before them, and a movie played out for Juno’s entertainment and dismay.

 

Juno was in his wedding dress, the one he never got to walk down the aisle in. He was looking into the mirror, wondering if it still fit well enough after all those years. Then Peter was there, sneaking into the room in a tux that made him look well.. just incredible.

 

“You look like you’re trying to interrogate yourself,” he said, wrapping his arms around Juno from behind and pressing a kiss to his cheek.

 

“Maybe I am,” Juno smirked. “I know things I don’t, and I need that information fast.”

 

“Well, go easy on yourself,” Peter said. “It is your big day.”

 

“Our,” Juno corrected, rolling his eyes at his own cheesiness. 

 

“Maybe it’s just my big day,” Peter said. “I’m stealing my biggest prize yet.”

 

“Call me a prize one more time and I’m playing runaway bride,” Juno said, and Peter laughed at that. 

 

“Are you nervous?” he asked, drawing away and taking Juno’s hands in his.

 

“Nervous? About what? About spending the rest of my life with an entire human being? About splitting my life down the middle? About sharing and being honest and making a promise bigger than myself?” Juno rambled. “No! What’s there to be nervous about?”

 

“We could always call it off, you know,” Peter said. “A name is a big gift to give, trust me I know, if you’re not ready to give it…”

 

“Fuck that,” Juno said. “Peter Steel has a nice ring to it, and I mean… it’s a good alias, right?”

 

“Ah, so this is just for my undercover life is it?” Peter said with a smirk. “How benevolent of you.”

 

“Look, it’s bad luck for you to see me, go wait in your own room,” Juno said, shooing Peter out the door. Peter stopped in the doorway and stole one last kiss. 

 

“I’ll be waiting for you out there,” he said, a soft smile creasing his lips. He looked at Juno the way people look at the moon. Juno reached up and fixed a stray strand of hair on his husband-to-be’s head. 

 

“I’ll be there,” he said.

 

Then the footage ended and the screen began to ascend again. Juno felt something on his cheek, reached up and realized it was a tear slipping down from his eye. He hurriedly wiped it away. Figment of his imagination or not he was not about to cry in front of the Kanagawas.

 

“Commitment? He’s scared of commitment?” Sasha asked, folding her arms over her chest. “I guess I could see it.”

 

“Juno Steel is scared of other people.” Cassandra smiled wickedly, bearing teeth sharpened to a point. “Isn’t that right, Juno?”

 

“He’s afraid of opening that locked up heart of his to anyone!” Cecil feigned a swoon against his sister. “Oh, how dramatic! Are the cameras getting this?”

 

“Okay, we’ve established I’m a terrible person and I’m scared of a lot of things, are we done yet?” Juno asked.

 

“But you haven’t made your choice yet!” Cecil pouted.

 

“Guys, lay offa him!”

 

“Oh no…” Juno groaned, resisting the urge to slam his head against the podium. “Mick, don’t tell me you’re here too?”

 

“Hey, Jay.” Mick Mercury sidled up to Juno with a friendly grin on his face. “Fancy place you got here, did they rent this out just for the show?”

 

“We own it, darling,” Cecil grinned. 

 

“My head is feeling pretty crowded right now,” Juno yelled. “Maximum occupancy is one, that’s me! Can you all just leave me to my coma in peace?”

 

“Juno, I gotta show them what really matters!” Mick pleaded. “It’s not about why he left! He doesn’t really know why he left! And besides that’s in the past! What matters is what happens  _ next _ !”

 

“Next?” Cecil perked up, anxious for a story.

 

“That’s ridiculous, Mick,” Sasha sighed. “There is no next for Juno and Peter. He left him there in that hotel room.”

 

“There can always be a next, Sash,” Mick said, looking a little wounded. “Sometimes people leave your life, and then come back in later! I mean, Juno and Peter might meet up again!”

 

“Stop calling him that!” Juno bristled. All four of his brain’s little friends turned and looked at him and shrugged. 

 

“Well… there’s always a chance Pe… er… Juno’s…  _ friend  _ could come back into his life!” Mick said. “Look, just watch a second, okay?”

 

Mick waved his hands the way someone might move their hands across a screen to swipe to the next image. The game show disappeared, the audience fell silent, and suddenly Juno was sitting in a booth at a crappy coffee shop. 

 

Juno turned around and in the booth behind him were the Kanagawas, Sasha, and Mick, all nursing drinks or breakfast plates and watching him carefully. 

 

Juno turned back around and suddenly he was there. 

 

Peter Nureyev, standing by the booth looking down at Juno with eyes that spoke of… a lot of things really. 

 

Juno could see pain, anger, confusion… maybe some longing?

 

“Hello, detective,” Nureyev said, not sitting down just yet.

 

“N-Nureyev…” Juno stammered. 

 

“I don’t know why you look surprised, you called me here,” Nureyev said, sitting down with a sigh. He waved the waitress over and she gave him a gesture that told him she’d be there in a bit. Peter looked at Juno, clearly waiting for him to say something… anything.

 

“I…” Juno looked back to his audience for help, but Mick just shrugged at him. “I’m… damn it, N-...”

 

“How eloquent, detective,” Peter sighed again, and started sliding out of the booth. “Perhaps I’m wasting my time here.”

 

“Wait!” Juno grabbed Peter’s wrist, kept him from leaving. Peter didn’t exactly recoil at the touch, but he didn’t look too thrilled about it either. He stayed though, despite it all. “Peter I’m… I’m sorry.”

 

That got his attention. Nureyev sat back down and folded his hands together in front of him. “Are you?”

 

“I am… I have no excuse I don’t know why I left you there, I don’t know what it was I was afraid of… maybe I was afraid of a lot of things, of losing you, of not losing you, of you seeing me every day and getting sick of me, of… everything.”

 

Juno looked down at the table, finding it easier to look at than Peter’s eyes. “Everyday I wake up in an empty bed and think about how you must have felt, waking up alone after I promised we were going to see the stars together. It wasn’t fair of me to leave without explaining myself, I should have trusted you to accept it if I needed to go. I should have trusted you to give me space if I needed it. I don’t even think I needed space, I think I was just running away, and you still would have understood that I know you would have. I was an idiot, and I don’t deserve you back but all I’ve ever wanted since that day was to have you back. I want to wake up next to you, I want to hear you flirting with me when I’m trying to work, I want you to steal evidence and I want to make you put it back, I want to make you shitty pancakes in the morning, I want to get silly drunk with you and fall asleep in each other’s arms.”

 

Juno realized he was rambling now, and he looked back up for Peter’s reaction and…

 

There was nothing there. 

 

Juno was standing in an empty whiteness, his hand outstretched towards nothing. He slowly lowered his hand, and felt the tears coming again. He tried to hold them back but soon he was on his knees holding his hands to his eyes in a vain attempt to stop the flow.

 

“See?”

 

Juno looked up, and Mick was kneeling next to him a hand on his shoulder. “There’s always a next, always a chance to start over. There’s still a chance to see him again.”

 

“... but… he doesn’t want to see me again,” Juno whispered.

 

“Weren’t you just watching, Jay?” Mick said. “He was there, he was listening to what you had to say!”

 

“He was just another part of my brain, Mick!” Juno screamed, punching his fists into the empty ground. “Just like you, and Sasha, and Cecil and Cassandra, he was just part of my brain wishing it wasn’t so lonely!”

 

Juno clutched at his head, it was starting to ache. “But that’s all I’m ever going to be…”

 

“Jay, don’t say that…”

 

“... you know what really sucks about all this is I can’t tell if you’re supposed to be my optimism or my delusions,” Juno said, an angry laugh escaping his throat. “I don’t know if it matters to be honest.”

 

“It matters.”

 

Juno looked up and Mick was gone. Peter was there again, standing in front of Juno in a suit as white as the emptiness they were standing in. “It always matters, Juno.”

 

Then the white grew brighter and brighter, overtaking Juno’s vision. He winced and shielded his eyes and then…

 

“Mistah Steel! Mistah Steel! Oh gosh, don’t be dead, boss, I’ll just die if you’re dead, oh man what do I do what do I do?”

 

Rita’s voice was in his ear, all too loud for the pounding headache he currently had. Juno coughed and tasted blood, and felt rain falling on his face. He was laying on his back in the same parking lot he’d just taken a beatdown in, and the ones giving it to him were nowhere to be seen. 

 

“... Rita?” Juno muttered, his voice hoarse.

 

“BOSS!” Rita cried, voice full of tears and relief. 

 

“I’m fine… might need a pickup, though,” he said. “Don’t think I can walk very far right now.”

 

“I’m on my way, boss, I’m already tracking your comms, don’t you move or fall asleep or nothing! I’m coming, Rita’s gonna save the day!”

 

As Rita talked his ear off, Juno stared up into the sky thinking about the head-trauma induced lessons he’d just possibly learned. Or maybe ignored. 

 

He thought about Peter. 

 

_ “It matters.” _

 

Maybe… there could be a next.


End file.
